And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
