I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize