at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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