Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
