So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
