Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
