I accidentally burped into my bong.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
