it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize