i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Alive.
So much puke
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize
