She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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