No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
