It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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