Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
It was confusing and full of hummus
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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