I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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