Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize