is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
