Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
