he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
