I CAN MOONWALK!
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
