At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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