My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
