Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
I did not marry a roomba.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize