i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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