That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Randomize
