Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Randomize
