I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
There r osticjed everywhere
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
