This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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