I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
