I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize