I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
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