4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
