he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize