xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
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