My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
