I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
And then he peed in my hair
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