no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize