my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
