Got a toothbrush?
Kiss
Puke
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize