I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
