Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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