You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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