you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
