i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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