So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
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