I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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