Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Randomize
