God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
