YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
