At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
