I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Randomize
