So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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