Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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