i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
third nipple confirmed
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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