Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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