i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
