Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
