Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
