I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
