I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I still have a little drunk in my system
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Randomize
