Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize
