so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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