i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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