so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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