i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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