no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
