the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
