Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
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