youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
