She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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