Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
