I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
